“What
if I die today?”
“If
not today, what if tomorrow?”
“What
if I vanished right now, how would people try to describe who I am as a
person?”
“If
they would hear my name, what would they say about me?”
At first I thought I was worrying
about how short my life would be. Not because I am sick or anything like that
but because I just know the fact my life is not in my hands. I certainly am not
the one who’s in control of my life neither everything that happens around me
so yeah, I have to be brave enough to accept the truth that I may or may not
live until my skins got all the curves it could have due to aging.
On second thought, I finally
realize that it wasn’t death that kept me worrying about such things. It was
actually the memory I’d eventually leave the people and the world behind me
once I step out of this world.
Like Augustus Waters who feared oblivion
when he was once asked during his meeting with the support group he was in, I
do fear oblivion too. Not in the sense that I fear being not remembered at all
or I fear being not remembered just to think of my own glory but I do fear
oblivion because it actually will remind me how I spent my life on earth.
An individual like me who has
decided to follow Christ is someone made new. Restored. Revived. Made whole.
One who’d left who she is back in the days when there was no Jesus in her life.
I do not seek for my own glory or
fame. I do not live for myself now. I live for the One who made me and every
single thing around me. This means my life now is full of value, sense and
meaning. I cannot live the way I wanted to because my plans and dreams for my
life are worthless and at the bottom because I am not smarter than my Creator
so I have to live according to His will because I faithfully hold on to His
promises as it is written in His word. My God is an all-knowing God so there is
nothing left for me to worry about how my life here on earth would turn out if
I’d just surrender myself wholly to Him and follow Jesus’ footsteps. (You can read Jeremiah 29:11, it’s actually one
of my life verses.)
I know I’m not the only one
thinking about how my memory would turn out one day but I actually don’t want
to be remembered as someone just with the name I carry. I want to be remembered
as someone who served as a salt and light to this world as how Christ had
planned me to become into. As much as possible, I want to tell the world how
real and awesome God is. I want the world to know how He’s turned my life
around, how I’d regained my worth when I have come to know Him. I want to
simply want the world to see that Christ who is alive lives in me.
Finally, when that day of
returning back to my real home with the Lord comes, I’d be contented that I had
glorified Him with how I spent my life on earth and it’s all thanks to Him.
Having Christ in my life was simply the best thing that ever happened to me.
Ever, I swear.
Have a great day, earthlings!
Love,
Cha
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